I So Want To See This Movie

Here is an excerpt from the most brilliantly scathing review of anything I have ever seen:

This is the most torturous, pretentious, incompetent mess of a movie I have ever seen. Don’t believe the reviews that suggest this film is visionary or a classic. The songs are ridiculous: the groans at the beginning of each one were deafening. The “Piccadilly Lily” song must have been done 15 times. There is nothing visionary (or even mildly interesting) here, only a long string of poorly-done Fellini ripoffs — actually, that’s the whole movie. It was like a train wreck. This was by far the longest hour and 45 minutes of my life. The movie made me long for death. My fellow audience members screamed and screamed as minute after endless minute and song after horrible song beat us into the ground. People were pleading for other audience members to kill them. Other kind-hearted viewers tried to distract the crowd by juggling and reading Moby Dick. Some, like myself, simply attacked the screen. Watching this self-obsessed piece of garbage was like having sharp nails scraped along the chalkboard of our souls.

It’s on the IMDB for Anthony Newley’s 1969 auto-onanistic auto-biopic Can Hieronymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? Wow.

Need more convincing? Here’s a clip on You Tube of Newley with then-wife Joan Collins from the film with the charming title Chalk and Cheese.

I became re-introduced to Newley because of his one collaboration with my major hero Delia Derbyshire and her comments about him. He now holds a special fascination for me similar to that with the ever erudite Prince Philip (who sadly lacks Newley’s gift for alliteration).